I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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