The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
