So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
