if i can run in heels then i can drive
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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