Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
