If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just sent this text using only my big toe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
