You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
