I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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