Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
