Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
