he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
