Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
