my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
should my penis look like a turkey
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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