My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
