Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
