In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
