My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
