you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
