I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
