just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
