I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
