i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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