plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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