Dual....:-)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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