Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
