I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
