So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
