You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
