I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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