tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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