I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
