When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
