I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
