so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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