Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
