There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
