I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
