M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
