According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
