You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
