dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
MIDGETS
????
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
