He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
