the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
