It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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