Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
