you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
