i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
