My nipple is on Facebook.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
