hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
