if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
