I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
