Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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