whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
