My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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