and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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